This week I started reading materials from an artist who’s worked I’ve admired for nearly a decade. She recently took a hiatus to spend more time with her family and invest in training. Nirrimi Firebrace spent two years to create a creative’s course called the Daily Map. I recommend checking it out and at least reading the first few sections. She inspired me to pursue photography as a creative medium back when I struggled to express myself and my ideas.
In the course, she shares many lessons that she’s learned living as a writer and photographer that resonated with me. So today, I wanted to talk about being true to yourself if identified as being creative.
From all the moments I can recall growing up, it was never easy wanting to pursue or practice art. I can recount feeling so much hatred towards my projects and then myself— no matter the medium I decided to pursue, it didn’t matter if it was poetry, photography, art, or writings. I’d also always post and share in public and personal spaces... because that was a reason. I wanted to create.
I’d also look at my post later, feel shame and anxiety, and then I would hide or delete any project that I didn’t enjoy at that moment. It was hard for me to face that duality. I’d avoid it by not creating anything.
On the one hand, I felt this intrinsic interest to create. And it was nice to imagine that people would resonate and enjoy whatever creative project I happened to work. But I couldn’t deal with feeling that my work wasn’t good enough and at the end of the day, I would hate myself.
When I think back on it today, 7 or 8 years later, I know I never gave myself a fair assessment.
And for someone who feels that way or has that experience, it can be isolating when you can’t find the reasons why. It can be challenging to find words even to describe it. I think at that time in my life I didn’t know other people had similar experiences. So today I thought it’d be good to share something I found from Ira Glass, who created This American Life :
“All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile. You’ve just gotta fight your way through.”
And it’s kind of cheesy, but I’ll say it. When I was shutting down my work, I was putting myself down and running away from who I am. I believe you can’t embrace yourself if you can’t acknowledge creating as a strength, interest, and talent. Even when I wasn’t picking up a camera and doing shoots or working traditional creative projects, I was bringing: to the table, to my conversations, and my strict 9->5 jobs— ideas that only I could contribute. My voice is creative; the things that I enjoy and nerd out about are creative. I wish that in the past, I was more faithful to myself about that.
There’s this section called Passion from Nirrimi’s Daily Map that explains creativity and how it’s a calling. Here’s a snippet of some paragraphs from that section that I enjoyed:
“There is no one creative calling. A passion to create is a passion to create regardless of medium. Creating is the calling. But finding a path to commit to for now is important if you want to go places
…
All creativity intersects. It’s almost as if there is a language that weaves through all art. You may learn things from gardening that make you a better painter; you may learn skills from busking in the street that make you a better spoken poet. All creativity grows creativity. It’s okay if you change directions while you figure it all out. Nothing is ever lost.
If you’re stuck at a crossroads, look at the tools you’re carrying. What skills and connections and resources do you have at your fingertips? The most impressive and daring path isn’t necessarily the right one. Don’t cross a lake without a boat when you can use the ropes you have to scale a mountain. Make the most of what you have right now.
Look at the compass you’re carrying too. Your intuition. It knows things you don’t. The more you listen to it, the more you feel it. I experience it as a magnetic pull. A knowing feeling in my gut. It’s guided my life. If something is pulling you, you should follow it.
Things happen when you’re on your path. Invisible hands guide you. Doors open. Connections happen. There’s just something inherently magical about the pursuit of creative dreams.”
Lately, I’ve been trying to play to my strengths and endorse the unique things I bring to the table. When I started this journey about 4-5 months ago, I didn’t initially consider the weight of creativity and how it impacts my day to day when I share, speak, and involve myself in projects. I’m thinking that a great way to start 2020 is to encourage my voice and understand where it comes from, knowing that it has many facets, including stories and motivations.
